Building a Community

It began when Steve met Jay at the bike store. They met for a weekly bike ride and he and his girlfriend invited us to dinner at their place. We had our first friends. It was a momentous beginning and then there was a long dry spell. This month has brought great changes. We have crashed through the glass ceiling separating us from the community.

Of  course, the reason for being here has been our kids, our most important connection. They are busy at work and with the children on weekends, and though we participate with them in some fashion every week, until now there have been no peers, no colleagues, no friends of our own age.

Not speaking the dominant language has been a significant challenge to making friends. In addition,  I did not know where to go to meet people, especially English speakers. I thought it would be the gym but there people are rushing in and out. I tried the American International Women's Club. There I met some nice women and one who I felt could be a friend. Two weeks later I emailed her about dinner together with our husbands and we were invited to their place. That was a wonderful evening.

I have been reluctant to invite people to our apartment for dinner. It's not the dishes which are the remnants to two or three different sets,  or the uncomfortable dining chairs with torn upholstery, or the faux leather sofa that was worn out twenty years ago, or the cheap blue and brown plaid sofa bed in the living room, or the bare white walls, but the combination of everything that kept me from wanting to be judged by this "student" apartment. But we have now been invited to several people's homes and have been out to dinner with others. We are leaving soon and I would like to strengthen these connections.

It took many coincidences and  wanders into the greater world to make possible these fledgling friendships.  We met one couple on our walk home from Jed & Helga's house. We met one couple at the August 1 party. We met one couple from IMD, the business school at which  Steve got a work visa. I now need two hands to count the number of new people with whom we have connected.  We plan to spend our last month here returning the invitations and welcoming our new friends to our table despite surroundings.  (Full disclosure, our apartment itself is lovely, good size rooms, light and sunny, great view). This week we are looking at places to rent for next year. Life is community. Without friends we will always be visitors in Switzerland.  It is now beginning to feel more like we belong here, and there will be people for us to return to in addition to our family.

Yesterday in the locker room at the gym a woman said to me (in French) that the class we just took was difficult. I responded with a smile and a "oui".  When she left and said "bonjour" a bye bye flew out of my mouth before I had time to think about it. She picked it up immediately. She asked if I was English. We did the usual where are you from routine and it turned out that she is from Culver City, CA. Just another day in multi community Switzerland.